Why Your Autistic/ADHD Child Might Be Sneaking Food — and How to Respond with Connection, Not Shame

If you’ve ever found empty wrappers tucked under a pillow or a secret stash of snacks hidden in your child’s room, you might have felt a rush of confusion, frustration, or even worry. It’s natural to wonder, Why are they doing this? and Am I handling it right? The truth is, sneaking food isn’t simply “naughty” behaviour—it’s a sign that your child’s relationship with food, safety, or autonomy needs a little extra understanding. Whether it’s driven by past food insecurity, emotional needs, a desire for control, or neurodivergent sensory or dopamine-seeking needs, your response in these moments matters far more than the behaviour itself.

Here are four common reasons your child might be sneaking food—and how you can respond in a way that builds trust, safety, and connection.

1. Food Scarcity or Insecurity

Children who have experienced food insecurity—whether in the past or currently—may hide or hoard food as a way to feel safe.

This can be due to:

Fear of not having enough: Even if food is now available, past scarcity can create lasting worry.

Unpredictable access to safe foods: If their preferred or “safe” foods aren’t reliably available, they may stockpile them.

Restrictive diets: If certain foods are banned or labelled “bad” or “unhealthy,” a child may eat them in secret to avoid judgment or getting into trouble.

2. Emotional Factors

Food is more than fuel—it can be comfort, regulation, and safety.

Children may:

Eat for emotional regulation: Stress, boredom, anxiety, sadness, or feeling out of control can all drive comfort eating.

Want to avoid judgment: If they sense negative messages about appetite, body size, or food choices, they may hide what they eat.

Feel shame or guilt: These feelings may come from family, peers, teachers, or societal messages about food and bodies.

Comfort eating is often painted as “bad,” but it’s a valid way to self-soothe—especially for children still learning emotional regulation skills.

3. Control and Autonomy

Sometimes, sneaking food isn’t about hunger—it’s about needing to feel in control about life.

Hiding food can be a way for children to exert some control over their food intake, especially if they feel overly controlled or monitored in other areas of their lives.

4. Neurodivergence

For some children, sneaking food can be linked to sensory or neurological needs:

ADHD: Impulsivity and the dopamine boost from certain foods can make secret eating more likely.

Autism: Specific sensory needs can drive the desire for certain textures or flavours that feel regulating.

How to Respond in a Neuroaffirming Way

When a child comes to you after eating hidden food, it’s a powerful moment—they’re trusting you with something that may feel scary or shameful to admit. How you respond can either reinforce the shame that caused the secrecy or open the door to safety and connection.

A neuroaffirming response validates their experience, prioritises emotional safety, and invites co-regulation and collaboration—rather than control.

Here are some scripts you could try:

“Thank you for telling me, that was really brave. It sounds like you were needing something—comfort, or maybe a certain kind of food—and didn’t feel sure it was okay to ask. I’m not mad.”

“You know, I’ve found wrappers before, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up in a way that wouldn’t feel scary. I’m really proud of you for telling me yourself. Let’s talk about what would help you feel more comfortable around food. You don’t have to hide with me.”

These kinds of responses build trust over time, helping your child develop a more connected and compassionate relationship with food—and with themselves.

Why Punishment Doesn’t Work

Punishment may stop the behaviour temporarily, but it doesn’t address the underlying cause. In fact, it can strengthen the very shame that drives secret eating. The goal is not to control your child’s eating but to understand why it’s happening and make it safe for them to express their needs openly.

Focus on Positive, Neutral Language About Food

Labelling foods as “good” or “bad” can create anxiety, rigid food rules, and even eating disorders. Instead:

Keep language neutral: “Let’s get something sweet” instead of “treat” or “sometimes food.”

Name foods for what they are: “Dessert,” “chips,” “ice cream,” “fruit,” “bread rolls.”

Highlight what foods do for the body without moralising:

“Protein gives us energy, so do potatoes and cake.”

“Ice cream and milk have calcium to help our bones grow strong.”

“Lollipops give quick energy and bring joy.”

“Fruit and cereal both have fibre, which keeps our tummies happy.”

It can take time to change language habits—be gentle with yourself and others. If the intention is there, you’re on the right path.

Bottom line:

Sneaking food is a sign there is more going on with your child. Perhaps a deep need for safety, regulation and a sense of control. When we meet this with curiosity, empathy, and connection rather than shame or control, we help our children feel safer in their relationship with food—and in their relationship with us.

Please reach out to an eating disorder health professional for support in this area. You don’t have to do this alone.

Written by Margo White, your Melbourne-based neurodiversity affirming clinical nutritionist and Neurodivergent advocate.

This article is intended as general advice only and does not replace medical advice. It is recommended that you seek personalised advice specific to your individual needs.